Why You’re Afraid of Success—And How to Finally Let Yourself Have It
A Black woman with medium brown skin, wearing a t-shirt and ripped jeans, looking at a vision of a beautiful, successful life around her. The vision shows happiness, fulfillment, abundance, love, and achievement. But her facial expression shows she's cringing and pulling back, afraid of it. Her body language shows rejection and fear of the beautiful life she's imagining.
In A Pot to P*ss In, The Orgasm Project is a chapter about my own personal struggle with power, fulfillment, and trauma. It’s about my inability to walk across the threshold of satisfaction, to climax, and to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
A lot of us struggle with that.
We are comfortable with doing the work, but we shrink at the thought of eating from the tables we build.
We know how to push, sacrifice, and grind.
We know how to be the ones who hold everything together. But when it comes time to receive? To step fully into the joy, abundance, and satisfaction we’ve worked for?
We hesitate.
We sabotage.
We find a way to almost get there—but never quite touch it.
Because success, pleasure, and fulfillment? They require something a lot of us were never taught.
A Black woman with deep dark skin tone, wearing a cozy cowl neck sweater and comfortable pants, surrounded by symbols of 'having it all'—success, wealth, travel, family, love, career achievement, beauty, and freedom. ut her expression shows hesitation, fear, and internal conflict. She wants it but she's afraid of it. Her body language shows she's torn.
The Hidden Fear of Having It All
Most people aren’t afraid of failure.
They’re afraid of arrival.
They’re afraid of what happens when there’s no more mountain to climb, no more struggle to prove their worth, no more fight to define them.
Because if you’ve spent your whole life surviving, success can feel like a betrayal.
🔥 If you grew up watching people hustle just to get by, wealth can feel like guilt.
🔥 If you were taught that love comes with conditions, healthy relationships can feel suspicious.
🔥 If your identity was built around the grind, slowing down to actually enjoy life can feel like laziness.
So instead, we stall.
We almost launch the business.
We almost say yes to the love we crave.
We almost let ourselves rest, but then feel the need to “earn” it a little more.
Not because we don’t want these things—but because deep down, we don’t know who we’ll be without the struggle.
SIDE BAR: 💭 Sis… Receiving Isn’t the Problem. Being Seen Is.
Listen…
If stepping into your joy feels harder than grinding for it,
you’re not the only one.
There’s a part of you that knows how to hustle, survive, push through anything —
but freezes the moment life tries to give something back to you.
And Sis… that doesn’t mean you’re broken.
🔥 It means you were never taught how to be held.
🔥 It means you learned to trust the struggle more than the softness.
🔥 It means “almost there” became safer than “all the way in.”
But hear me:
You are allowed to cross the threshold.
You are allowed to have the thing and enjoy it.
You are allowed to be fully satisfied without apologizing for it.
Let this be your reminder:
You’re not afraid of success. You’re afraid of finally becoming the woman who knows she deserves it.
And she’s already in you.
Let her rise.
A Black woman in her early thirties with a fuller, feminine build, wearing athletic wear at a race. She's standing RIGHT AT the finish line marked. She's stopped and staring at it, frozen in fear, refusing to cross. Her facial expression shows fear and hesitation. Around her, other runners are crossing the finish line and people are cheering, but she's isolated in her moment of fear.
Why We Don’t Let Ourselves Cross the Finish Line
Think about the last time you were on the edge of something great.
Maybe it was a project, a relationship, an opportunity that could change your life.
You could see it. You could taste it.
But instead of stepping fully into it, something inside you froze.
🚨 You started doubting yourself.
🚨 You suddenly felt “not ready.”
🚨 You found a reason to delay, adjust, or shrink the vision.
This is the part we don’t talk about enough:
Success is just as triggering as failure.
Because to fully have something means you can fully lose it.
To be seen means you can be judged.
To step into your power means you can no longer pretend you don’t have it.
And for a lot of us, that’s terrifying.
So we stay in almost.
We keep one foot in the struggle—just enough to feel safe, just enough to stay in familiar territory.
But at what cost?
A Black woman in her 50s, wearing a hoodie and comfortable leggings, moving from a smaller, dimmer space representing survival and struggle into a larger, brighter space representing thriving and ease. Her body language shows the transition—shoulders relaxing, face softening. Behind her is the struggle she's leaving. In front is ease and possibility.
You Were Never Meant to Just Survive
Let me ask you this:
What if the version of you that knows how to work isn’t the one who’s meant to win? What if the version of you that knows how to endure isn’t the one who’s meant to enjoy?
The you that hustled, fought, and sacrificed got you here.
But she may not be the one who takes you across the finish line.
That version of you knew how to build the table.
But the version of you that sits and eats? She’s a different woman.
She’s not apologizing for her success.
She’s not questioning if she deserves it.
She’s not dimming herself to make other people comfortable.
She knows that having isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.
And it’s time for you to meet her.
A pregnant Black woman in her 30s, wearing an off-shoulder shirt and comfortable shorts, standing with arms open and palms up in a gesture of receiving. Her expression shows peace, worthiness, and openness. She's taking up space, not shrinking. Her body language is expansive and grounded. The space around her feels warm and welcoming.
How to Stop Shrinking and Start Receiving
If you’ve been playing small, here’s how you start shifting today:
1️⃣ Stop apologizing for what you’ve built.
You did the work. You sacrificed. You showed up. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you get to have this moment.
2️⃣ Reprogram the guilt.
Every time you feel guilty for success, joy, or pleasure, ask yourself: Who taught me this? And more importantly—do I actually believe it?
3️⃣ Practice receiving.
When someone compliments you, don’t deflect.
When rest calls you, take it.
When the door opens, stop hesitating at the threshold.
4️⃣ Move like the woman who already has it.
If you were already successful, happy, and free—how would you show up today?
Do that.
Because almost isn’t your final destination.
You weren’t meant to stop just short of fulfillment.
You were meant to cross the threshold.
A Black woman with light honey skin tone, wearing a stylish hoodie and yoga pants, standing with powerful, confident posture. She's clearly owning her success and power without apology. Her expression shows pride, confidence, and unapologetic ownership. Her body language radiates ownership and self-possession. She's taking up space.
Your Next Step: Own It, Without Apology
This week, I want you to ask yourself:
🔥 Where have I been stopping short of satisfaction?
🔥 What part of me is afraid of actually having the things I’ve worked for?
🔥 And how do I start showing up as the version of me who fully receives?
No more running. No more shrinking.
You built the table.
Now sit and eat. 🔥
A Black woman with deep mahogany skin tone, wearing ripped jeans and an off-shoulder shirt. On the left side, she's actively pushing away symbols of success and abundance—pushing away a microphone, a crown, flowers, a bigger house, and love. Her facial expression shows rejection and fear. On the right side, she's fully embracing success with a radiant, genuine smile. She's wearing the crown on her head with pride. She's holding the flowers close to her heart. She's embracing the microphone with confidence. Her facial expression shows pure joy, fulfillment, and peace. Her eyes light up with happiness. The opportunity and bigger life are visible in the background.
Why You’re Afraid of Success—And How to Let Yourself Have It
CHALLENGE OF THE WEEK
Practice receiving without apologizing or downplaying.
HOW TO DO IT:
✔ Small: Say “thank you” to a compliment without deflecting.
✔ Medium: Let someone help you.
✔ Big: Do ONE thing that feels like enjoying the fruits of your work.
EXAMPLE
✔ Small:
Accept a compliment with a simple, “Thank you.” That’s it. No extra words, no deflecting, no minimizing.
✔ Medium:
Let someone help you — and receive it. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t shrink. Embrace it.
✔ Big:
Do one thing that feels like enjoying what you’ve earned.
A nap, a treat, a slow morning — whatever says, “I deserve this.”
Dr. Sagashus inviting you into the IMverse through the Wanted Newsletter or coaching.
FAQ SECTION
Q: Why do I sabotage myself right when things are going well?
Self-sabotage isn’t laziness or lack of discipline—it’s protection.
When you’ve lived in survival mode for years, success feels unfamiliar and unsafe. Your nervous system literally believes the “unknown” is dangerous, even if the unknown is joy.
If this feels like you, it’s not a character flaw—it’s unhealed programming.
Go deeper:
Ask yourself, “What am I afraid will happen if this actually works?”
Most women discover powerful answers.
Q: Why does success feel harder than struggle?
Because struggle is familiar. You’ve mastered it. You know who you are inside it.
But success? Receiving? Rest? Being seen? Being chosen?
Those require vulnerability. And vulnerability feels dangerous when you’ve spent years holding everything together.
Go deeper:
What version of you comes alive when you’re no longer carrying the world?
She’s the one you’re becoming.
Q: What does my trauma have to do with my fear of success?
More than you think.
If you were raised in chaos, lack, or instability…your body learned to expect struggle.
If love was inconsistent…you learned to brace for loss.
So when success shows up, your system reacts like it’s a threat—not a gift.
Go deeper:
Write a letter to yourself: It’s safe for me to have good things now.” Say it even if you don’t believe it yet.
Q: How do I know if I’m afraid of success?
Look for these signs:
✔ You delay things when they start going well
✔ You call opportunities “too much” or “too soon”✔ You get anxious when things feel “too calm”
✔ You downplay your accomplishments
✔ You overwork because rest feels undeserved
✔ You stop just short of finishing
✔ You “almost” launch, “almost” apply, “almost” accept
These are symptoms of fear—not failure.
Go deeper:
Identify the last time you stopped at 90%.
Ask yourself why.
Q: How do I learn to receive instead of resist?
Receiving is a skill—one most of us were never taught.
Start small:
✔ Accept compliments without deflecting
✔ Celebrate wins immediately
✔ Let people help you
✔ Take rest without earning it
✔ Say yes to opportunities instead of negotiating yourself down
And over time?
Your body learns that abundance is safe.
Go deeper:
Ask yourself, “Where in my life am I resisting something I prayed for?”
Q: How do I shift into the version of me who can handle success?
You start acting like her before you feel like her.
Ask:
🔥 How does she speak?
🔥 What does she tolerate?
🔥 How does she rest?
🔥 What does she no longer explain?
🔥 How does she walk into a room?
Then start practicing her habits now.
Not later.
Not when you “deserve it.”
Now.
Go deeper:
Spend one day making decisions as if you already ARE her.
ABOUT THE BLOGGER
Dr. Sagashus Levingston is an author, entrepreneur and PhD holder. She has two fur babies, Maya and Gracie, six children (three boys and three girls), and they all (including her partner) live in Madison, WI. She loves all things business, is committed to reminding moms of their power, and is dedicated to playing her part in closing the wealth gap for people of color and women. She believes that mothering is a practice, like yoga, and she fights daily to manage her chocolate intake. The struggle is real, y’all…and sometimes it’s beautiful.
Follow her on Instagram: @infamous.mothers