The Company You Keep—Who Belongs at Your Next Level?
Woman at crossroads deciding between loyalty to her past and alignment with her future.
You know, I grew up hearing that birds of a feather flock together.
But nobody ever tells you how messy that can get.
Because the real question isn’t just who you’re flocking with—it’s why.
When you’re new to success, you may feel like you need to stick with your original crew—because you don’t want to look like a sellout. You don’t want people whispering that you “forgot where you came from.”
But at the same time…
The new people at this level? You don’t really know them yet.
And honestly? You don’t even feel fully comfortable around them.
This isn’t your normal.
And if you do start rocking with new folks, maybe it’s not about trust—it’s about status. You eat the same dinners. You go to the same events. You’re in the same circles.
But just because someone is at your level doesn’t mean they’re aligned with your values.
And this is where things get tricky.
🔥 Loyalty vs. Alignment.
🔥 Who you hold onto vs. Who you grow with.
🔥 Who you’ve been vs. Who you’re becoming.
Because let’s be real—loyalty to the wrong people will keep you stuck. And aligning with the wrong part of yourself will destroy everything you’ve built.
So today, we’re breaking it all the way down:
✅ The truth about loyalty vs. alignment (and why it matters).
✅ How to recognize when your circle is holding you back.
✅ How to build relationships that challenge and elevate you.
Woman feeling drained and isolated within her current circle.
Loyalty vs. Alignment: The Hardest Truth You’ll Have to Face
Let’s start here:
💡 Loyalty is about the past.
💡 Alignment is about the future.
Loyalty says: “We’ve been through so much together. I owe it to them to stay.”
Alignment says: “We’re growing in different directions, and that’s okay.”
Loyalty says: “We started together, so we should finish together.”
Alignment says: “We’re not meant to finish in the same place.”
And that’s where people get stuck.
Because the truth is, not everyone can go with you.
Not because you don’t love them.
Not because you’re “better” than them.
But because your purpose is calling you forward.
And if you’re constantly looking back—
If you’re constantly shrinking to fit into spaces you’ve outgrown—
If you’re constantly trying to prove that you haven’t changed—
You will never reach the next level.
SIDE BAR: 💭 Sis, Not Everyone Can Grow With You — And That’s Okay.
I know there may be times when you start noticing shifts in your relationships.
Conversations that once felt easy now feel strained. Dreams that excite you might confuse the people around you.
And there may be moments when you wonder if you’re asking for too much — too much growth, too much vision, too much possibility.
But hear me.
🔥 Expansion will always change the room.
🔥 Growth will always reveal who can stretch with you.
🔥 Alignment sometimes requires distance.
That doesn’t make you difficult.
It makes you evolving.
You’re allowed to want relationships that honor the woman you’re becoming.
So pay attention to what feels expansive and what feels constricting.
Then choose accordingly.
Because the right people won’t fear your growth.
They’ll celebrate it.
How to Recognize When Your Circle Is Holding You Back
You don’t have to cut people off at the first sign of friction.
But you do need to pay attention to patterns.
Here’s how to know if your circle is keeping you stuck:
🚨 They make you feel guilty for growing.
They throw shade when you start moving differently. They joke about how you’re “too good” now. They question why you’re not as available.
🚨 They don’t celebrate your wins.
When something good happens, they downplay it. Change the subject. Say, “Must be nice.” And suddenly, you don’t feel safe sharing your success.
🚨 They pull you back into old habits.
You’re trying to evolve, but they keep inviting you into the same drama, the same distractions, the same mindset that no longer fits where you’re going.
🚨 You feel drained after being around them.
Instead of feeling energized, inspired, or supported—you leave conversations feeling exhausted, like you have to defend or justify yourself.
If this is your reality?
Then it’s time to ask yourself:
Am I holding onto this out of love… or out of fear?
Woman surrounded by growth-minded people who challenge and elevate her.
The Cost of Aligning with the Wrong Version of You
Your relationships aren’t just about who you’re around—they reflect who you’re becoming.
Because it’s not just about the people.
It’s about the part of you that those relationships feed.
Ask yourself:
🔥 Am I surrounding myself with people who challenge my growth—or people who keep me comfortable?
🔥 Do the people around me inspire the version of me that I want to be?
🔥 Am I making decisions based on who I was—or who I’m becoming?
Because aligning with the wrong part of yourself can sink everything you’ve built.
Woman in a learning moment, willing to be challenged by someone ahead of her.
How to Build Relationships That Challenge and Elevate You
Your next level requires a new kind of circle.
Not necessarily new people, but people who hold you to a higher standard.
Here’s how to build that kind of support system:
1. Find People Who Call You Higher
Surround yourself with people who:
✅ Speak life into you—even when you’re doubting yourself.
✅ Call out your potential—not just your problems.
✅ Challenge your excuses—instead of making space for them.
Growth is uncomfortable—but the right people won’t let you stay small.
2. Build a Circle That Matches Your Vision, Not Just Your Past
Ask yourself:
“Who do I need to be surrounded by to become my highest self?”
Then start intentionally creating that space.
💡 Attend events where growth-minded people are.
💡 Join groups or communities that align with your goals.
💡 Nurture relationships with people who already live the life you’re building.
Because you don’t just attract your next level—you prepare for it.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Be the Smallest Person in the Room
If you’re always the smartest, most successful, most driven person in your circle…
You’re in the wrong circle.
💡 Get around people who challenge you.
💡 Be willing to be a student.
💡 Stop letting your ego keep you from elevating.
The rooms that stretch you are the rooms that prepare you.
Woman in honest reflection, recognizing which relationships serve her growth.
Your Next Step: Choose Alignment Over Comfort
🔥 Where are you being loyal at the expense of your alignment?
🔥 Who in your circle is pushing you forward vs. keeping you where you are?
🔥 What relationships do you need to let evolve—even if it’s uncomfortable?
Because at the end of the day?
Your next level isn’t just about what you achieve.
It’s about who you surround yourself with while you’re achieving it.
So choose wisely.
Choose boldly.
And never forget:
Not everyone can go with you.
And that’s okay.
🔥 Walk forward anyway. 🚀
Woman walking boldly forward into her next level, choosing alignment over comfort.
Infamous Mothers Weekly Challenge
The Alignment Challenge
This week, take a quiet audit of your circle.
Ask yourself:
Who challenges me to grow?
Who celebrates my progress?
Who pulls me back into old patterns?
Then take one intentional step toward alignment.
Examples:
Reach out to someone who inspires your growth.
Attend a space where expansion-minded people gather.
Set a boundary with someone who drains your energy.
Invest more time in relationships that support your future.
Growth requires courage.
And sometimes courage looks like choosing alignment over comfort.
This is how we live now.
Dr. Sagashus inviting you into the IMverse through the Wanted Newsletter or coaching.
Before You Go…
Before you head down to the FAQs, let me invite you into something special.
Wanted is the digital publication for women who are both desired and on the run — women with vision, appetite, history, and somewhere to be.
Every week, you’ll get a little inspiration, a little conversation, and a little social commentary. Some weeks, we’re talking books. Some weeks, we’re talking power, pleasure, visibility, motherhood, money, or what it means to build a life that actually fits the woman you’re becoming.
It’s thoughtful. It’s stylish. It’s culturally rooted. And you never quite know what’s waiting for you inside each issue.
And the best part?
It’s completely free.
If you’ve been looking for language, perspective, and a room that feels like it gets you, Wanted is for you
✉️ Join Wanted
A free digital publication for women who are both desired and on the run.
FAQ Section
Why do relationships change as you grow?
As people evolve, their priorities, habits, and environments shift. Relationships that once supported survival may not support expansion, making alignment more important than history.
What is the difference between loyalty and alignment?
Loyalty is based on shared history, while alignment is based on shared direction and values. Growth often requires evaluating which relationships support your future.
How do you know if someone belongs in your next level circle?
Healthy relationships encourage growth, celebrate success, challenge your thinking, and respect your boundaries instead of making you feel guilty for evolving.
Is it wrong to outgrow certain relationships?
Outgrowing relationships is a natural part of personal development. It doesn’t mean love disappears—it simply means paths may evolve in different directions.
How can you build a circle that supports your growth?
Seek communities, mentors, and peers who share your vision for growth, accountability, and personal responsibility. Intentionally nurture relationships that elevate your mindset and lifestyle.
ABOUT THE BLOGGER
Dr. Sagashus Levingston is an author, entrepreneur and PhD holder. She has two fur babies, Maya and Gracie, six children (three boys and three girls), and they all (including her partner) live in Madison, WI. She loves all things business, is committed to reminding moms of their power, and is dedicated to playing her part in closing the wealth gap for people of color and women. She believes that mothering is a practice, like yoga, and she fights daily to manage her chocolate intake. The struggle is real, y’all…and sometimes it’s beautiful.
Follow her on Instagram: @infamous.mothers