How to Stop Faking It & Start Facing It: Your Infamous Step-By-Step Guide
“The Stage Is Hers”: Black woman center stage under a spotlight, standing tall and powerful, symbolizing women stepping into their light.
There comes a moment in every woman’s life where she becomes tired—tired of pretending, tired of performing, tired of swallowing her truth so other people can stay comfortable. That’s where this guide begins. In the IMverse, authenticity isn’t an aesthetic or a personality trait. It’s a practice. A rhythm. A returning. A decision to choose Becoming over performance.
And we take that choice seriously.
Listen. Faking it is exhausting. It takes too much work, too much energy, too much emotional labor. And honestly? Most days, the performance is heavier than the truth.
And while some people may have malicious intent, many people “fake it” because they believe they’re doing the right thing. But even with the good intentions:
🔥 Faking it doesn’t protect people—it misleads them.
🔥 Faking it doesn’t keep the peace—it delays the explosion.
🔥 Faking it doesn’t build trust—it erodes it.
Eventually, you grow tired of performing someone else’s comfort.
That’s where the real work begins.
This guide is about that work.
Facing what’s real.
Choosing truth over performance.
Choosing alignment over applause.
Choosing Becoming over imitation.
Why Do We Fake It in the First Place?
Before you can break a pattern, you have to understand what made you adopt it. Women who lead—especially those practicing Infamous Mothering—were conditioned to prioritize harmony, hold the emotional weight of the room, and silence themselves for survival. Understanding the roots of that performance is part of the Unlearning.
Faking it isn’t always deceit—it’s often protection.
We do it because:
🔹 We want to avoid conflict
🔹 We fear being labeled “difficult”
🔹 We don’t want to risk relationships or access
🔹 We’re afraid of being seen unfinished, unsure, or unanchored
But the effect is costly:
🔥 We fake confidence until we lose connection to our real confidence.
🔥 We fake relationships until no one knows who we are.
🔥 We fake preferences until we forget our own joy.
Authenticity for women must begin with a return to self.
You don’t need performance to be worthy.
You don’t need polish to be powerful.
SIDE BAR: 💭 You’re Allowed to Be Seen, Even While Becoming
Sis, listen:
You don’t have to wait until you’re confident to be honest.
You don’t have to wait until you’re perfect to be powerful.
You don’t have to wait until you “have it all together” to take up space.
You are allowed to be seen while you’re Becoming.
You are allowed to lead while you are learning.
You are allowed to tell the truth before you feel ready.
Your authenticity is not a liability.
It’s your leadership.
“The Weight of Doubt” — A Visual Story of Imposter Syndrome: A comic book–style illustration showing a golden balance scale. On one side, stacks of books, diplomas, and a trophy represent success. On the other side, a smaller, anxious Black woman with chocolate-brown skin and natural hair sits in a pan labeled “DOUBT.” The warm orange lighting and deep shadows highlight the emotional contrast, symbolizing how imposter syndrome makes doubt feel heavier than achievement.
1️⃣ Keep It Real With Yourself First
Authenticity isn’t external—it’s internal. Before you address others, you must address yourself. In the IMverse, this is where Becoming starts: naming the fracture, acknowledging where you performed, and locating where you stepped out of alignment.
When something feels off, don’t ignore it—run toward it.
🔹 Did you say yes when your spirit meant no?
🔹 Did you shrink when you needed to expand?
🔹 Did you betray your truth to protect someone else’s ego?
Face the moment.
📝 Journal.
🗣 Talk it through with your therapist.
🤝 Bring it to your anchor person—the one who mirrors you truthfully.
🔥 Infamous Takeaway: Self-honesty is the foundation of self-respect. It’s the doorway to self-betrayal recovery.
“The Fear of Falling”: A woman climbs a glowing ladder toward the words “You Earned This,” while shadowy hands labeled expectations and failure reach from below.
2️⃣ Tell the Truth—Even When It’s Awkward
Truth-telling is one of the core practices of Infamous Mothering. It doesn’t require cruelty—it requires clarity. The more you tell the truth, the more you trust yourself, and the more the people around you can trust who you really are.
Truth doesn’t have to be harsh.
It just has to be real.
🔹 “I care.”
🔹 “That’s not okay with me.”
🔹 “Actually, I don’t like that.”
Every lie you tell yourself or others distances you from your Becoming.
🔥 Infamous Takeaway: Your voice is your power. Use it—even when it shakes.
“The Loop”: Several versions of a woman run in a loop labeled “Prove Yourself Again,” symbolizing burnout from imposter syndrome.
3️⃣ Drop ‘Nice.’ Choose Kindness Instead.
Niceness is performance. Kindness is integrity. Infamous Mothering teaches us that real connection requires truth, not appeasement. You don’t owe people comfort—you owe yourself honesty.
Niceness = image maintenance
Kindness = relational integrity
🔹 Niceness: “I don’t want you to be upset.”
🔹 Kindness: “I respect you enough to be honest.”
If they can’t withstand kindness, their connection to you wasn’t built for endurance.
🔥 Infamous Takeaway: Niceness keeps you small. Kindness keeps you honest.
“You Built This”: A woman stands before a glowing city made of bricks labeled faith, vision, and discipline, symbolizing success built through effort.
4️⃣ Check Yourself: Are You Leading or Performing?
Infamous Mothering is leadership. And leadership demands alignment—not applause. This section helps you examine whether you’re seated in your power or managing the optics of who you think you should be.
Ask yourself:
🔥 Are you leading your life—or acting in it?
🔥 Are your choices rooted in alignment—or avoidance?
🔥 Are you in your Seat—or in a costume?
Performance can get attention.
Authenticity creates impact.
🔥 Infamous Takeaway: Stop performing leadership. Start practicing it.
5️⃣ Make Peace With the Fallout
Choosing authenticity shakes the room. Some people will rise with you; others will fall away. Alignment clears space—and clearing space is part of the Becoming.
Here’s the truth:
🔥 Some people won’t like the real you.
🔥 Some relationships won’t survive your honesty.
🔥 Some connections will dissolve when you stop performing.
Let them.
People attached to the performance were never aligned with your Becoming.
🔥 Infamous Takeaway: Freedom costs what was never meant for you.
Redefining Success: The Infamous Mothers Way
Infamous Mothering redefines success. Not as sacrifice, silence, or survival—but as alignment, truth, and wholeness. The world taught us to perform success; the IMverse teaches us to embody it.
Old success required performance.
New success requires presence.
For us, success looks like:
🔹 Boundaries that protect our energy
🔹 Money + meaning
🔹 Leadership that honors both womanhood and mothering
🔹 Approval optional; freedom required
🔥 Declaration: Infamous Mothering and leadership are not in conflict—they build each other.
Your Personal Declaration: Say It Out Loud
I refuse to perform a version of me that keeps others comfortable.
I choose alignment over applause.
I honor my Seat, my Becoming, and my boundaries without apology.
My mothering is not a liability—it is a source of power.
I am an infamous woman—rooted, ready, and real.
And I do it without faking anything.
Your Infamous Challenge (This Week)
Choose one thing you'll face instead of fake:
🔥 the conversation you’ve been avoiding
🔥 the boundary you’ve delayed
🔥 the truth you’ve swallowed
🔥 the mask you’ve been wearing
Face it.
Tell the truth.
Reclaim your Seat.
Message me when you’ve done it.
Let’s build infamous accountability together.
Dr. Sagashus inviting you into the IMverse through the Wanted Newsletter or coaching.
FAQ SECTION
Q: What does it actually mean to “fake it”?
Faking it means performing confidence, peace, satisfaction, or alignment you don’t actually feel. It’s the habit of showing up polished instead of present — often to protect relationships, avoid conflict, or maintain an image.
In the IMverse, faking it is a survival strategy… not a sustainable one.
Q: Why do women, especially ambitious and mothering women, fall into performance?
Because we were conditioned to make everyone else comfortable — to be grateful, agreeable, and unproblematic.
We fake it to survive roles, relationships, workplaces, and expectations that were never built for us.
It’s protection at first… but becomes self-betrayal over time.
Q: How do I know if I’m performing instead of leading?
Ask yourself:
Am I choosing truth or optics?
Am I avoiding discomfort or choosing alignment?
Do people respond to who I really am — or the version I present?
If your energy goes into maintaining an image instead of honoring your truth, you’re performing.
Q: How do I practice honesty without hurting people?
By choosing:
clarity over critique
kindness over niceness
boundaries over avoidance
Truth becomes harmful only when it’s weaponized.
In the IMverse, truth is a healing tool, not a dagger.
Q: How does Infamous Mothering influence authenticity?
Infamous Mothering teaches you to lead your life with truth, autonomy, and alignment — not guilt, silence, or suffering.
When you stop performing motherhood, womanhood, or leadership, you show your children (and yourself) what real freedom looks like.
ABOUT THE BLOGGER
Dr. Sagashus Levingston is an author, entrepreneur and PhD holder. She has two fur babies, Maya and Gracie, six children (three boys and three girls), and they all (including her partner) live in Madison, WI. She loves all things business, is committed to reminding moms of their power, and is dedicated to playing her part in closing the wealth gap for people of color and women. She believes that mothering is a practice, like yoga, and she fights daily to manage her chocolate intake. The struggle is real, y’all…and sometimes it’s beautiful.
Follow her on Instagram: @infamous.mothers