Sis, No Shade But…Aren’t You Tired of Being A High-Functioning Fraud
Cotton Cocoon, Counterfeit Queen: A comic-book style illustration of a Black woman seated on a throne. She is wrapped in thick cotton batting that coils around her arms, torso, and legs like a suffocating cocoon. Her crown appears regal at first glance but is cracked and made of cheap foil and false jewels. Her wide, hollow eyes stare outward with a mix of strength and disconnect.
“There is a sense of the grotesque about a person who has spent his or her life in a kind of cotton batting.” – James Baldwin
James Baldwin wrote those words to describe the danger of avoiding pain—of never being tested, never being touched, never risking loss.
And yet, isn’t that exactly what so many of us do?
We curate perfection.
We hide our struggles.
We refuse to admit when we’re drowning.
We perform strength so well that people start to believe we don’t need help.
And maybe, after a while, we start to believe it too.
Baldwin warned us what happens when people live this way—they become peculiar, even monstrous. Not because they are evil, but because they are disconnected. Because they have spent so long performing strength that they have forgotten how to be human.
And the longer we stay in that performance, the more judgmental we become of people who aren’t as “put together” as we appear to be.
Counterfeit: The Next Installment
This post begins our Counterfeit series—where we dig into what happens when perfection becomes performance. We’re talking about the fraud of flawlessness, the cost of pretending, and what it takes to drop the act and live in truth.
Armor of Perfection: A comic-book style port woman in gleaming medieval armor. At first glance, the armor looks flawless and regal, but cracks run across the chest and arms. From within the fractures, tufts of white cotton and fiery orange-red light leak out, suggesting both counterfeit protection and hidden truth. Through the helmet’s narrow visor, her eyes stare forward—haunted, disconnected, yet burning with something conveying disconnection. The background is a muted blue-gray with splashes of orange, emphasizing the tension between counterfeit perfection and emerging truth.
“People who have had no experience have no compassion. People who have had no experience suppose that if a man is a thief, he is a thief; but, in fact, that isn’t the most important thing about him.”
“The most important thing about him is that he is a man and, furthermore, that if he’s a thief or a murderer or whatever he is, you could also be—and you would know this, anyone would know this who had really dared to live.”
Baldwin was right. The high-functioning fraud doesn’t just deceive themselves—they begin to deceive others, too. They wear their perfection like armor, distancing themselves from any sign of weakness, any possibility of failure, any reminder that they, too, could break.
But the truth?
If they had truly dared to live—if they had ever risked falling, ever touched the edges of their own limitations, ever stopped trying to control every outcome—they would know.
That struggle is not failure.
That vulnerability is not weakness.
That no one is as perfect as they pretend to be.
And they would see that the most powerful thing they could do isn’t to maintain the act.
It’s to finally, fully show up.
https://autonomies.org/2024/08/james-baldwin-the-uses-of-the-blues/
The Judgment Throne: A comic-book style illustration of a Black woman seated on a throne. She wears an immaculate white gown, pearl necklace, and her hair is braided into an elegant updo. Her expression is stern and commanding as she points outward in judgment. The throne beneath her, though ornate, is collapsing—cotton stuffing spills from the armrests and seat. Fiery orange-red cracks glow under the throne and spread across the floor, symbolizing instability and truth breaking through. Shadows loom large behind her, exaggerating her presence into something almost grotesque.
The Fraud of Flawlessness – A Counterfeit Life
We all know the type—the person who never struggles, never doubts, never fails.
At least, that’s what they want us to believe.
Their house is pristine. Their marriage is picture-perfect. Their kids? Angels.
And if you’re anything like me, you don’t trust them.
Because perfection is a performance.
The high-functioning fraud doesn’t just look like they have it all together—they refuse to admit when they don’t.
🔹 They never show weakness.
🔹 They never ask for help.
🔹 They act like struggle is something that happens to other people.
And the danger? When you refuse to show your humanity, you disconnect from it.
You stop relating to people who are still in the fire.
You start believing your own act.
You judge others for not being as “together” as you pretend to be.
But here’s the truth: No one trusts the person who has never been through anything. No one feels safe being vulnerable with someone who refuses to admit their own struggles. No one connects with perfection. People connect with people—real people.
And that’s the problem. The high-functioning fraud isn’t just exhausting—it’s counterfeit.
It looks like confidence, but it’s insecurity.
It looks like success, but it’s survival.
And if you have to perform it, it’s not real.
Cracks in the Armor, Part II: A woman wearing cracked, gleaming armor. Fiery orange-red light glows through wide fractures across her chest and arms, while tufts of white cotton batting spill from the breaks. She grips a sword with one hand, her solemn face visible beneath the helmet. Behind her, two young girls dressed in smaller, intact versions of the same armor look up at her with awe and uncertainty. In the background, dark shadows loom, contrasting with bursts of fiery orange against cool blue-gray tones, symbolizing both strength and the cost of passing down counterfeit perfection.
The Cost of Living as a High-Functioning Fraud
The problem with performing perfection? It’s expensive.
It costs you peace.
It costs you connection.
And eventually, it costs you yourself.
🔹 You can’t ask for help. Because you’ve convinced everyone—including yourself—that you don’t need it.
🔹 You can’t slow down. Because stopping means facing what you’ve been avoiding.
🔹 You can’t admit you’re struggling. Because struggle would mean you’re failing.
And so, you keep going. Not because you’re thriving—but because you don’t know how to stop.
But here’s the worst part: This isn’t just hurting you.
It’s hurting the people who look up to you.
Always the Blueprint: A woman standing tall and confident. Her full, voluminous hair flows freely around her face and shoulders. She wears a fitted dress patterned with blueprint-style grid lines, accented by glowing orange-red streaks that run across her body like radiant cracks of energy. Her expression is calm yet powerful, gazing directly outward against a deep teal background, emphasizing her strength and originality.
Counterfeits Can Fool People—But Only for So Long
A counterfeit designer bag might pass for the real thing at first glance.
But sooner or later, the stitching unravels, the material peels, and the illusion falls apart.
The same thing happens when we try to pass ourselves off as something we’re not.
The act might hold up under light pressure, but under real fire? The counterfeit falls apart.
And just like fake money or fake jewelry—being a counterfeit version of yourself will eventually cost you more than it gives you.
SIDE BAR: 💭 Tuh, Don’t Get It Twisted…
Listen. Just because I’m calling out the high-functioning fraud doesn’t mean I’m calling you fake. Performing strength? That’s how a lot of us survived. It kept food on the table. It kept the lights on. It kept our heads up when the world was waiting for us to fall.
But here’s the thing:
Survival isn’t the flex. Thriving is.
Strength isn’t silence. Strength is telling the truth even when your voice shakes.
You don’t have to drop the act for everybody. Just start with one truth, one space, one person who can hold it.
Because pretending forever? That’s what’s counterfeit. But you? Sis, you’ve always been the blueprint.
Dropping the Weight: A woman standing tall and powerful, wearing a knee-length shirt dress and white sneakers. A heavy chain falls from her arm to a massive boulder labeled “PERFECTION,” which she has just released. The boulder crashes to the ground, exploding in fiery orange-red light that radiates outward in sharp bursts. Her expression is one of relief and freedom, symbolizing the release of counterfeit perfection.
The Shift – How to Stop Performing and Start Living
The hardest part of breaking free from the high-functioning fraud?
Admitting that you’ve been faking it in the first place.
Not faking your skills. Not faking your success.
But faking the idea that you never struggle.
So where do you begin?
You start by doing the thing that the high-functioning fraud fears the most:
You tell the truth.
Start With One Truth: A woman standing with one hand over her heart and the other at her side, speaking with emotion. Three fiery orange-red speech bubbles emerge from her mouth, glowing against the dark background, with the words: “I NEED HELP,” “I’M EXHAUSTED,” and “I DON’T HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT.” The scene radiates both luxury and vulnerability, showing her strength in truth.
How to Drop the Act and Lead from Truth
1️⃣ Start With One Truth—And Say It Out Loud.
Say one real thing about where you are right now.
🔹 “I don’t have it all figured out.”
🔹 “I am exhausted.”
🔹 “I need help.”
And then? Let someone hear you say it.
2️⃣ Stop Leading With Your Resume & Lead With Who You Actually Are.
Your accomplishments might impress people—but your realness is what makes them trust you.
3️⃣ Build Relationships That Don’t Require Performance.
If every space you exist in requires you to be “on,” you need new spaces.
4️⃣ Redefine Strength.
Strength isn’t pretending you have it all together.
Strength is having the courage to be honest.
Dr. Sagashus inviting you into the IMverse through the Wanted Newsletter or coaching.
The Final Question: Are You Ready to Drop the Act?
Because the only thing more exhausting than struggling— Is struggling while pretending you’re fine.
✨ Use the Covet Journal to map your forge, name your fire, and recognize your hammer.
📖 Read A Pot to P*ss In — proof that survival isn’t the endgame. Discernment is.
🎟️ Join us at a Without Apology Tour stop in Madison or beyond — because your fire isn’t just a test. It’s a blueprint.
And Sis? If you’re ready to go deeper—beyond reading, beyond nodding along, beyond pretending you’ll figure it out alone—this is your moment.
👉 Learn more. If you’re interested in coaching, explore our coaching page here. Because doing it alone ain’t where it’s at. You deserve the ease, comfort, and satisfaction that comes with support, sisterhood, and systems that will get you there.
Call to Action…
Listen. If this word spoke to you, don’t just leave it here. Carry it with you. Wanted is where we keep the good tea flowing — a reminder every week that you are desired, you are dangerous, and you belong. It’s where we keep you updated on current events across the IMverse, including the Without Apology Tour. And it’s where we introduce new stories, people, and dirty words.
👉🏾 Join Wanted today.
ABOUT THE BLOGGER
Dr. Sagashus Levingston is an author, entrepreneur and PhD holder. She has two fur babies, Maya and Gracie, six children (three boys and three girls), and they all (including her partner) live in Madison, WI. She loves all things business, is committed to reminding moms of their power, and is dedicated to playing her part in closing the wealth gap for people of color and women. She believes that mothering is a practice, like yoga, and she fights daily to manage her chocolate intake. The struggle is real, y’all…and sometimes it’s beautiful.
Follow her on Instagram: @infamous.mothers