From Martyr to Mothering on Your Terms: The Feminism You Didn’t Know You Needed
Lipstick and Feminism
Introduction
Embracing the Power of Feminism in Motherhood
Listen. In my twenties, I avoided anything with the F-word because I thought all things feminist meant burning bras, hating men, and wearing a bare, rough face with cracked lips. To each her own, but that’s not me. And so, I overlooked feminism because I thought I had to be one way to practice it. (Patriarchy will do that to you. It will have women out here thinking that fighting for equality, recognition and respect means hating ourselves and men. But I digress.) Against my ignorance, I took a class that introduced me to black feminism, and I fell in love with it. It helped me name some things I had experienced, gave me a voice, and permitted me to take up space. More importantly, it transformed my entire mothering experience.
March, a month celebrating both Women’s HERstory and Reading, offers a unique opportunity to delve into feminist literature. For Infamous Mothers, these books are not just texts but tools of empowerment, providing insights into gender equality and guiding us in raising the next generation of empowered women. It may be the difference between being a resentful/bitter mom and building a mothering practice that allows us to accomplish our “impossible” dreams while raising children who create a world better than the one they inherited.
Welcome to the second installment of our series that merges Women's History with National Reading Month. We're dedicating this series to the narratives of mothers and caretakers from various periods and literary genres. (See our previous post: 100+ Books for HERstory). In today's discussion, we delve into feminism and its transformative impact on motherhood, exploring how it empowers and redefines the concept of nurturing.
Feminism and pregnancy - a super duo
Why Feminist Literature Matters to Infamous Mothers
Feminist literature is far more than just academic discussion; it's a vital tool for dissecting societal structures and challenging ingrained biases, especially those that enforce restrictive gender roles. These roles often manifest most oppressively within domestic settings and aspects of motherhood. Feminist writings empower mothers to stand up for themselves and their daughters, creating spaces where gender equality is actively practiced, not just idealized. They affirm the humanity of mothers, countering the societal narrative that often relegates them to thankless roles.
Incorporating feminism into one's parenting approach can transform it from a position of sacrifice to one of strength. My personal journey underscores this shift. Raising six children as a single mother, pursuing a PhD career, authoring two books, and securing my dream home was made possible by the expansive vision feminism offered me—a vision starkly contrary to society's limited expectations. Even in moments when feminism seemed inadequate, it provided a lens through which I could envision a better future for myself and my children. It assured me of my worth, my right to be seen and heard, and affirmed that motherhood could not diminish my value. Seizing that belief, I propelled myself forward, leveraging the insights and empowerment feminism instilled in me.
I want the same for you. If motherhood feels daunting and like a prison you're quietly suffering in, consider embracing feminist principles. Let it be the lens through which you view your role not just as a mother but as a woman in society. Feminism offers a liberating perspective, showing that motherhood and personal fulfillment can coexist beautifully. It teaches us to set boundaries, to demand respect, and to pursue our dreams without guilt or apology. Remember, embracing feminism isn't about rejecting motherhood; it's about redefining it on your own terms, ensuring that you and your children live in a world where equality, respect, and freedom are not just aspirations but realities. Let feminism be the key that unlocks the full spectrum of your potential, both within and beyond the realm of parenting.
Imprisoned Motherhood
Influential Feminist Authors and Their Impact
Last week, I shared 100+ must-reads for Infamous Mothers everywhere. This week, I am highlighting three books that transformed the way that I understand the intersection of mothering and feminism.
1. bell hooks - "Feminism is for Everybody: Passionate Politics"
- bell hooks' work is a cornerstone in feminist literature, offering an accessible and comprehensive overview of feminist theory and its practical application. Her book is a call to action, emphasizing feminism as a tool for social transformation – a message particularly resonant for mothers nurturing the future generation.
2. Patricia Hill-Collins - "Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment"
- Patricia Hill-Collins delves into the intersectionality of race and gender. Her exploration of Black feminist thought is crucial for understanding the varied experiences of women in society. This perspective is especially valuable for mothers aiming to raise children with an understanding and appreciation for diverse experiences and identities.
3. Adrienne Rich - "Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institution"
- Adrienne Rich's examination of motherhood is both personal and universal. She dissects the institution of motherhood, challenging the traditional narratives and expectations imposed on women. Her insights inspire mothers to redefine what motherhood means to them, empowering them to embrace their identity beyond societal norms.
Motherhood download incomplete
Infamous Mothering Through a Feminist Lens
These authors provide a framework for understanding the complexities of womanhood and motherhood in today's world. They encourage reevaluating traditional roles and argue for agency and advocacy in personal and societal contexts. For Infamous Mothers, these lessons are invaluable in raising children aware of and challenging gender biases.
One of the most profound quotes I’ve ever read about motherhood came from Adrienne Rich. She said, “We know more about the air we breathe, the seas we travel, than about the nature and meaning of motherhood.” As a relatively new mother, my mind was blown. Before this, I felt so much guilt about my internal struggles and sense of powerlessness in raising children. I thought that when I became a mother, some kind of maternal download was supposed to happen that would endow me with everything I needed. I thought that some kind of instinct was supposed to trigger, putting me into “mommy mode.” When neither happened or when they happened at a rate that was much less potent than I expected, I questioned my parenting. Reading Rich (and then hooks, Hill-Collins and later Andrea O’Reilly) changed that for me.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned from all of them, especially Rich, was that there is a difference between motherhood and mothering. Motherhood is a social construct in service of patriarchy, where mothering is about agency and empowerment — for the caregiver and child. That was the beginning of my experience as a mother moving from feeling trapped and oppressed to feeling like I could raise extraordinary children without sacrificing myself and being a martyr.
Teaching Children about Equality
Applying Feminist Principles in the Family and Beyond
But beyond changing my experience as a mother, feminism profoundly transformed the way that I raise my children. It's not merely about wanting my girls to get paid what they deserve or wishing for my sons to stand as allies in the relentless fight for equality. It's about weaving feminist principles into the very fabric of how I mother, ensuring these values permeate every aspect of our daily lives. Together with my partner, we foster an environment of openness, engaging in candid discussions about gender equality with our children. We advocate tirelessly for equal opportunities and strive to exemplify the dismantling of gender stereotypes in our actions and choices. This deliberate approach creates a nurturing family atmosphere where both sons and daughters are equally encouraged to scrutinize, question, and ultimately challenge the unfair norms that pervade our society.
Feminist literature serves as a cornerstone in this endeavor, offering me a robust framework, a rich language, and a deep exposure to the myriad issues that underpin gender inequality. It empowers us to contribute effectively to the creation of a world that promises fairness and equity for women. Over the years, my journey into motherhood has been guided by more than just conventional parenting magazines. I have delved into the specialized field of feminism known as motherhood studies, enriching my understanding and approach to parenting. This has enabled me to raise my children with a keen awareness of gender norms, fostering an environment that prioritizes our collective freedom and individual growth.
This conversation around feminism and mothering is one I hold dear, but I'm curious about your perspective. Do you think we're doing "too much" by integrating these critical discussions on feminism and gender equality into the fabric of parenting? Or do you believe, as I do, that these conversations are essential for creating a more equitable world for our children? How do you navigate these discussions in your own life, if at all? I welcome your thoughts and experiences on this journey toward a more inclusive and understanding world.
Readings that take us places
Conclusion: A Journey of Continuous Learning and Growth
If I said it once, I would say it one million times: MOTHERHOOD DOES NOT EQUAL MARTYDOM. A branch of feminism called motherhood studies taught me that. The journey of understanding and advocating for gender equality is ongoing. Feminist literature provides a foundation, but the real change happens in our daily actions and conversations. As mothers, we have the power to influence the next generation, instilling values of equality, respect, and empowerment.
Join the Conversation
What feminist literature has inspired you? How have these works influenced your approach to motherhood and gender equality? Share your stories and let’s continue to learn from each other, one page at a time. Also, if you are looking a list of books to read while building an empowered mothering practice, visit last week’s post — Infamous Mothers in Literature: 100+ Books for Women's HERstory Month. It is the first installment in our Women’s HERstory series.
P.S. — It’s Covet Season
In the Infamous Mothers Universe (IMverse), we're fully immersed in the transformative Covet season. This is the phase where extraordinary women in our world wholeheartedly dedicate themselves to becoming the versions of themselves that once seemed out of reach. During this season, women are achieving their health and wellness goals, increasing their bottom lines, and accomplishing things that were once deemed 'impossible'. Our mission is crystal clear: we exist to inspire, motivate, and educate you as you relentlessly pursue the very dreams you've longed for.
If you want to join us in Covet season, are ready to delve deeper into the enriching content of this series, we have more FREE content to offer:
Subscribe to our blog: Gain access to valuable content that can spark your personal transformation (complete the Weekly Wench form below).
Join our Wanted newsletter: Stay in the loop with the latest resources.
Join our growing Instagram community to connect with kindred spirits. We're here to empower you throughout Covet Season, guiding you to turn your dreams into a vibrant reality.
Photo Credit: Chris Charles
ABOUT THE BLOGGER
Dr. Sagashus Levingston is an author, entrepreneur and PhD holder. She has two fur babies, Maya and Gracie, six children (three boys and three girls), and they all (including her partner) live in Madison, WI. She loves all things business, is committed to reminding moms of their power, and is dedicated to playing her part in closing the wealth gap for people of color and women. She believes that mothering is a practice, like yoga, and she fights daily to manage her chocolate intake. The struggle is real, y’all…and sometimes it’s beautiful.
Follow her on Instagram: @infamous.mothers